Alone?....

She had not wanted to go to the conference, but her manager insisted she went. Time away from her beloved home, time she could not spend how she chose to, everything about the weekend conference was organised to a tee, all hours fully accounted for, not time for her to be her. Since the relationship ended some six months ago, she'd gotten so use to being on her own in the evenings, and really looked forward to the weekends where she could chose what she did. Usually it would involve a trip to the coast, a walk along the sandy beach, watching her dog racing against the wind. The office and all the crap about living alone all left behind, all the crap about the relationship she'd come out of, all left behind, something she'd worked hard on doing, so much hurt had been caused by his betrayal. She thought she'd been everything he wanted, everything she'd given to him, she'd given so willingly, maybe too willingly, and that was the problem?
She didn't know, but what she knew was that he's always served himself well when it came to sex, always, he'd ensured his pleasure, ensured his needs were met, allowing him to do things they had never discussed, but where he'd simply gone ahead blindly, ignoring her views and ignoring her need to be satisfied and pleasured. She'd allowed him to blindfold her, tie her wrists to the bed posts, while he fucked her, allowing him to cum all over her, making her feel like rubbish, worthless, when she'd caught the glimpse of his expression while he jacked off over her, it was one of contempt, she didn't understand this, if only he'd have spoken with her, there were things she wanted to experience, regular orgasms for one! But there were things she'd read about and would love to have tried out, branched out and learned with him, but no, he'd other plans, too much of a misogynist to listen to her.
She'd found out that he'd been visiting an escort and was tasting his pleasures there, why did he do that ? Why had he never taken the time to explore her body, taken time to allow her orgasmic pleasures, instead he'd castigated her for being large, telling her constantly that she wasn't sexually attractive and that she was no good.....

But she'd decided that was not good for her and she'd left him, but she was missing the physical contact with a lover, self pleasuring was all well and good, but nowhere on the same scale of things, and she'd worked hard to get over his betrayal and the way she'd been treated, and had come to terms with it being just her now, placing it firmly where it belonged, in the past, but still something was missed, that feeling gnawed at her from time to time.......

She'd attended all the lunches and seminars, and this was the final dinner, it had been a wonderful evening dinner, she was sat with 11 other people at a huge round table, yet felt so very lonely. The men either side of her chatted inanely all evening, trivialities prevailed and she struggled to remain polite, what was eating her was the couples, dotted around, all 'lovey-dovey', warm and romantic, swept away by the grandeur of the place and the free champagne that wasn't in short supply. She'd eaten fairly well and not drunk very much, she liked to have a clear head at all times, especially when she had reports to write the next morning!



She retired to her room at the stroke of midnight, a wind was howling outside, rattling the panes of glass gently in the long windows, she looked outside, nothing, she saw nothingness, just blackness, a still, inky blackness, enveloping everything in the outside world. Oliterationg the trees and gardens below. She reflected on how this deep darkness epitomised her emptiness, an all consuming blackness, never ending....


She dropped the the curtain back into place and the fire crackled softly in the huge fireplace, a warm glow filled the room and she saw a flask of hot milk had been delivered to her room. She rather liked the conferences that took place in these old country mansions, they had so much more character than a standard hotel, with their cloned rooms, all identical except for the number on the door, all anonymous and impersonal. This place was beautiful, all the rooms were different, she'd been lucky and gotten one of the newly decorated rooms. Burgundies and pinks filled the room, giving it a warmth of its own, heavy velvet drapes cascaded down from the ceilings, ensuring the room was free of drafts when the weather was inclement. Gilt framed pictures of previous inhabitants filled the walls, with gilt framed mirrors placed in such a way as to give a different slant to the pictures, making some of them appear to be looking right at her. Textures were in abundance all around her, soft velvets, flocked wallpapers, crystal lights sparkling, catching the light from within them as well as the flicker of the flames from the fire. Lace drapes fell in swathes either side of the bed, a huge thing, could have easily have slept four, she felt like the Princess and the Pea princess laying in the vast deep mattress and surrounded by the luxurious pillows.



She undressed, stepping out of the black sheath dress she'd bought for the occasion, couldnt go wrong with a black dress, and being of a curvaceous disposition, she felt confident in it, scuplting her outline to enhance her ample assets, she still felt like a real woman, he hadn't eroded that from her! She always wore beautiful underwear, it was what kept her feeling good about herself. She took the dress and hung it on the hanger, standing back, she caught herself in the long mirror near to the ensuite bathroom, beautiful black lace in abundance here, a beautiful silk and lace bra, underwired to give her ample breasts support and to also give them the best support and shape, she stood there, looking at herself, a clear line of cleavage existed, thats what her neighbours at the table had enjoyed looking at while they chatted, she liked that, made her feel strong, good firm large breasts and a good cleavage, how many times had she dipped those down in the ofifce to get results? She smiled and began to look down herself, matching knickers, all lace, cut high at the sides and at the back, forming almost a directional arrow down to her arse, half covered in the silk lace, half naked, she liked the feeling of her buttocks being half naked under a sombre dress....stockings held up with suspenders completed the ensemble, she stood there, posing and smiling to herself, she was a sexy woman still, why was she alone though?



She slowly removed all items, and stood there looking at herself, she'd often thought maybe she should diet?, maybe she'd find someone to love her then, but she also disagreed with the media pressure, a shiver passed over her, and she grabbed the chiffon robe from the back of the chair and settled on the chaise longue with a mug of steaming hot milk that had been left in a flask by the night service staff. She added a dash of brandy and a smattering of sugar, this would help her sleep, she still hated sleeping alone, the lonely nights, not having anyone to cuddle up to her, no one to make love to her, no one to tell her how beautiful she was anymore. She snuggled under the warm throw, her hands cupping the hot mug and began to feel a little sleepy as she recollected the evening............her eyes dropping a little, she lay back and relaxed.......




She thought she felt a hand touch her face, softly, it felt like someone tracing a finger tip down her cheek and neck, she lay there, enjoying the feeling of being touched once more. She stirred, puzzled, and then coming to slightly, she wondered what was going on but came to the conclusion it was a dream, a dream beginning in that delicious place between awake and sleep, the twilight zone....she sipped a little more of the hot milk, draining the last drops from the mug, and closed her eyes again, totally relaxed and worn out, she really couldn't move and did'nt want to, it was like a psell had been cast, willing her to lay back and allow sleep to envelop her....




She felt the touch again, soft, she just knew it was a mans touch, a smell was detectable, just, very faintly, a strange smell, like nothing she'd smelled before, she couldnt work out what the consituents were, but traces of vanilla, musk, lemon, herbs, lavendar, all a strange mix, but definately there filling her nostrils from time to time, then fading away to almost nothing. The finger tips continued to trace across her face, down her cheek, down her neck, unwavering as it moved down, she never moved a muscle, the sensation was one she didn't want to lose again....



She stretched her neck slightly, not daring to move, in case it stopped again, she wanted this dream, this feeling, to go on and on.......

The finger tracing along her, began to be more daring, she felt the robe being opened slightly, not enough to expose her breast, but enough to show that delightful place between them, the touch prevailed, shifting down, between her breasts now, she sighed, she wanted a firmer, more urgent touch.....thinking again, no, this needs to be kept slow, slow and sensual, slow and delightful, a sensual pleasure.

More pressure was being felt by her, covering a larger area, must be a hand, she thought, yes, a hand now....moving over her soft belly, almost to her pussy, but coming back to her midline, the midline between her breasts, and then lifting gently, as the sensation enveloped her breast, she gasped, it was something she'd anticipated for so very long, holding her breast firmly, slowly massaging it, reaching for the nub of her nipple, she felt her robe slip away from both shoulders as what felt like a firm pair of hands took both breasts, holding them together, rolling them slightly as a finger and thumb delighted her hardened nipples, she moaned softly, rising her breasts towards the entity embracing them, she felt hotness at her left nipple, then the feeling of a tongue, wrapping itself around her engorged bud, she continued to feel her breasts being massaged and suckled, gently, each in turn, teeth just grazing over the deep pink nipple and areola, all puckered and hard with excitement. She felt one breast become free, and the sensation of a hand over her rounded belly again. She'd parted her legs some time ago, a reaction to the attention her breasts were receiving, a natural reaction in anticipation of fucking...........




She felt the glow of the fire on one side of her face as she turned, she wanted to open her eyes, she wasn't sure this was a dream now, she began to experience a little sound, breathing that wasn't hers, but her eyes wouldn't comply, this was too gentle and sensuous to be rape, she allowed the entity to continue, she was feeling like she was in the twilight of sleep, aware but not aware, but aware of how she felt and wanted to feel....... her mind couldn't work through this, an internal battle to focus, to wake up and to simply accept what was happening and to relish, to savour every touch, every sensation.......




She felt herself being swept up, being lifted with ease, she couldn't resist, she was helpless, totally helpless. She went to speak, and tried again to open her eyes, nothing! Nothing came out of her mouth, she finally managed to open her eyes very slightly, reminiscent of being blindfolded by him all that time ago, but this was different, he'd never shown her any feeling, no sensuality, this was different!

She saw nothing, absolute blackness, just like she'd seen outside the window earlier. She felt somehow, safe, she felt the strength of the arms carrying her, gripping her so she felt safe, she knew she was moving forward, she felt the breeze on her face, then she realised, she felt the breeze over her whole body, she was naked! She tried to reach out with her hands, she couldn't move anything, helpless, nothing worked, all she could do was allow herself to be taken..........

She felt them move down, steps she thought, definate thuds in the steps, but not hard, her carrier wasn't wearing shoes, must be barefooted, she thought, she also felt the heat from the body carrying her, and that strange scent again, she couldn't work it out. She felt herself being laid out , it was warm and cosy beneath her, soft and enveloping, she felt herself settle into the softness and relax again.




She felt the hands moving over her again, so consuming, she wanted to be taken, her pussy stirred as she felt a hand moving towards her wetness, she parted her legs, raising her knees slightly, she felt air hit her wet pussy as the lips of her moist cunt parted, the hand slipped there, she felt it slide over her clit and dip into the pool of her femininity, dipping in so very slowly and gently, she almost felt her cunt lengthen in anticipation, she felt herself being stirred, a thumb ingratiated itself over her hardened clit, sending shockwaves through her, as the fingers dipped into her, one finger to begin with, then she felt a stretch as another slipped in, probing her, far more deeply than her pussy had ever been fingered before, she was sure her cunt was completely full, something that hadn't happened with her lovers before, fingers not long enough for starters......they worked their way in and out of her, probing her, stretching her, a third and fourth now, she assumed this to be as she felt she was being stretched in stages, then she felt then reducing, and her G spot was being located, fingers were beckoning her to 'cum hither' they would not be disappointed, she felt that sensation of needing to pee, she knew it was her 'sweet spot' and that she would cum soon, a different cum too, she moaned softly as she began to reach this climax, a different feeling of orgasm this way, so very enjoyable, but a more shallow feeling, not the deep-seated rythmic waves of a clitoral orgasm...she felt her peak reached and a sensation of hotness spread down her buttocks, she knew she'd gushed slightly, this always worried here, she never really knew if it was pee or not.

The hotness began to fade, but then, replaced with another as something lapped at her, like a cat with a saucer of cream, dipping and flickering a tongue searching and finding every last drop she'd emitted, parting her buttocks, the tongue wormed its way to her puckered arse, and flickered around, no one had even been there before, while it seemed the most natural thing to do, it was off her comfort scale....




The hand pushed its way between her legs again, prising apart the milky white thighs, it began to finger her clit, teasing it, before she felt hot breath on her pussy, fingers parted her lips wide, holding them back, wide open, like she'd never been opened before, stretching her lips wide, it made her clit stand even more proud of her body, more accessible and more sensitive to touch, she felt a very pointed tongue trickled itself over her, flickering over the bud of her clit, she tried to move her hands, she wanted to feel whatever was doing this to her, she still couldn't move, her head was swimming, something in the back of her mind said this was wrong, it wasn't love, but the biggest part of her mind was telling her to take everything, savour and enjoy. This tongue, well she thought it was a tongue by the deft way it traced around her, darting in and out, drinking from her cup of Venus. A very muscular organ indeed, probed her further, reaching into her further than any tongue before, she could feel hands holding her pussy lips and thighs apart, it could only be a tongue........ Couldn't it?.......




Its position changed, and she felt her cunt being probed again by individual digits, beginning the process of stretching her again, she'd contracted after her orgasm. A finger, then another, then a warm trickling sensation, her cunt flooded with juices, never before had she been so aroused.........before she felt stretched again, and on the edge of pain, resistance was evident, she had her cunt full of fingers, the whole hand was trying to gain entry into her most secret place...she felt herself tensing up, then pain there as she did so, fear crept into her, fear she may tear, fear she may suffer, she wanted to speak but couldn't, she wanted to move but she couldn't move her arms, she wanted to reach out so very much, and feel what was doing this to her, she felt she wanted to bring her legs together to stop this, but couldn't do that either, her legs were being held wide and by something very strong indeed, not an inch, nothing, she was exposed, wide open, what could she do? She had no choice but to relax, let it take here again....resistance at her cunt entrance prevailed, until she took a deep breath in, and exhaled slowly, relaxing her grip, and in it slid, filling her completely, pushing at her, pushing in and up into her so deep now, the other hand moved back to her clit and began to torment her, she was so aroused, a few strokes and she'd be flying again....it knew that, and finished her, teasing and tormenting her clit and cunt to submisison, it took her there, to an orgasm that lasted and lasted, she felt so overwhelmed by sensation, a a high, this must be what drugs do to people she thought, this could so easily become an addiction....she felt everything leave her, nothing touched her any longer, her heart thumping so furiously inside her chest, her ears filled with the sound and her breathing so very hard..... Slowly she calmed, she was alone, nothing there, something had touched her and had slipped away? She didn't know....she felt she could open her eyes now, but all she saw was the inky blackness, nothing, warmth surrounded her, softness under her, feelings of confusion, delight, sadness, swept over her, she wanted to cry, tears pricked at her eyes, stinging her, an overwhelming rush of emotions rushed through her.





Slowly, she drifted off into sleep, as her heart rate slowed, and allowed her to slip away.
She began to hear a few noises in the distance, she tried to move her leg, stretching one out, she slipped from under the throw and felt the cold air of the morning, she opened her eyes, and lay there, still on the chaise longue, recalling snippets of the night, she couldn't piece it together at first, it was all disjointed, and fragmented, feelings rose within her, of disgust, of sexual excitement, of lust, feelings she'd not had for a long time, a very long time indeed, she put her foot back under the throw as she heard the maid bring in the tea, thanking her, she waited until she left the room before trying to get up. She felt stiff, she'd thought she'd fallen asleep in a funny position, all her limbs ached, and her hips too, aches where she'd not had aches before. She reached over and took the poured tea, swinging her legs over, she sat, thats when she felt her sore pussy. She sat on the edge of the sofa, putting a hand between her thighs, she felt sore, but was completely intact, her shoulders ached too, but she was unmarked, this was strange.....

She sat there, sipping the tea, her mind a complete mess, she'd thought she'd just had a weird dream, but if so, why on earth did she ache so much? There was no sign of anyone else there, no sign anyone had ever been there, she was the only one with a cardkey for the room, except the maid of course, and room service, but she'd not seen them since the previous day, until the morning maid brought the tea tray for her.

She'd not drunk too much the night before to not know what she'd been doing, just a couple of glasses of champagne, that wasn't excessive, but this feeling, these symptoms, the dream, all seemed so very vivid, as time went on while she drank the tea, flashbacks were coming into her mind, clear and vivid, the sensations, the stirrings, the scent, temperatures, all coming back but not in order yet......

....Closing her eyes, she was back in the thick of things again, then she recalled the feeling of a hand entering her, feelings of lust and desire, the sensation of her clit being licked to submission, so real, yet, it was obvious, she'd not left the room......the more she thought about it, the more it came back, and the better she could put it into order, as she did so, she felt her cunt twitching again, her clit stirring, her nipples extending....puting the cup back onto the tray, she lay back under the throw again, but this time, with her hand slipping between her thighs.....she didn't want to, but she felt compelled to stroke herself, she couldn't stop, physically, she couldn't stop.....

She felt her cunt slowly, the labia, swollen, parting their ways to allow her fingers to find her clitoral bud, begging to be touched, she dipped her two fingers into her cunt, she was still sore there, not painful, but enough to remind her she'd been invaded and satisfied.....her cunt was sopping wet, far more wet than when she was normally aroused, for a split second, it reminded her of the feeling after she'd been fucked hard for a weekend with a former boyfriend, one who'd screwed her for hours, filling her pussy til she dripped with him, she felt her heart quicken at the thought of that time, he'd been a good fuck, but a useless partner, and how he'd fucked her so very well, and he loved to take photo's of her pussy with his cum dripping from her....but he'd gone, and she was here......and so was a sore, fat pussy that was begging to be fulfilled yet again......she lifted her knees and allowed them to drop, exposing her cunt wider, her pussy lips parting in this position, slipping her fingers in and out of her sopping cunt, she found her left nipple, and squeezed it, they were tender too, what the fuck had gone on?

With her legs parted wide, and her pussy so wet, her mind filled with the snapshots of the night, and she wanted to feel like that again, she needed to feel like that again!

She finger fucked herself, faster and faster, ramming her hand into her soft, plump lips, her red cunt walls welcoming her administrations, her other hand left her breast, and shot to her clit, fuck! She was going to cum....going to climax again, and it was building, she was willing for her fingers to give her release, but the feelings of almost climaxing so intense, the feelings so exquisite, so intense.

"Please" she cried out "pleeeeease" She begged herself to climax, desperate, she fucked herself, three fingers, then a fourth, her clit busting, wanting to explode, but it just wouldn't... she couldn't do this any longer, the muscles in her forearms hot and ready to burst, she physically couldn't climax, what the hell was going on here?.......

To be continued

Part 5...... The last supper......

..............He laid on my bed, a bath sheet spread out beneath him, a bottle of baby oil on the side table, I walked over, hiding myself beneath my robe and stood next to the bed, looking at him, his eyes closed and his breathing soft and restful.

A young body, firm, he had a smattering of chest hair in the centre and over his nipples, a fine triangle of hair also running to his pubes which were a mass of short dark curls, I on the other hand, had very few pubes, and what was there was blonde, so very faint to see....I liked to be smooth, even if no one was going down there to check me out, or so I thought, I preferred the feeling of smooth lips and just a snatch of pubes from the front. His legs wide open, his ball sack dropping down and a half erect cock lay across him, his hand resting on it and moving every so often to encourage it to grow even more, it was a beautiful sight, and in my bedroom, the only man to be in my bedroom in that house.....

I wanted to suckle on that cock again, I could taste him as I thought about it, I felt my cunt twitch at the thought of it, I'm sure I felt my cunt gush with juices too as I stood there......I loved to suck cock, now someone had actually let me, I wanted to do it more. It had been something I'd read about, seen in movies, something I knew I could do better than the blonde bimbo's, they never seemed to take their time....but I had done it now and I didnt want to stop.

But I was still so very unsure of things, and unsure of the way in which I could take the lead on things, so didn't, left that to the man, that was the way I'd been told it was, so that was that....
Opening his eyes, he looked at me, immediately he gently pulled the ties to expose me to him, looking at me, his eyes wide, his tongue licking his lips unconsciously as he looked me up and down. He pulled me towards him using the ties. I followed his movements as didn't want to rip the robe. I climbed onto the bed to straddle him, immediately my pussy sat over his cock, he began to harden, I could feel his cock growing beneath me, I adjusted his position to allow me to glide over his length, with my pussy lips either side, feeling the contact with my clit, He could see me from the front, and he could also see my arse moving, in the mirror in front of the wardrobe, a 360 veiw and he was loving it......

He dropped the robe from my shoulders and threw it to the floor, his hand concentrated on my breasts. He groaned as I rubbed my pussy over his cock, I wanted to resist the urge to mount him completely, I wanted to impale my cunt with his cock, ride it slowly, rubbing my clit against him while he teased my hardened nipples.

His hands massaged my breasts, circling them softly, his forefinger and thumb tweaking my nipples, pulling them gently to full size....cupping them , holding their heavyness in each hand, kneading them, the flesh soft and yeilding, he buried his face between them several times, taking a deep breath in as he did, taking in the scent of me, the scent of breasts..... Rolling my brown nipples between finger and thumb, brushing them ensuring they stayed hard.....

He stopped me moving, his hands slipped to my hips, "no more, please" and asked me to move off him, I was puzzled, I thought I'd done something wrong, but I hadn't, he wanted to massage me, I lay face down on the towel, and he sat astride me, just below my buttocks, straddling me like this I felt his cock on my crack, oh how I wanted that to fuck me again, but he wanted things to end in a special way, and not rushed....... I just hoped he wasn't going up my arse, that was virgin territory and not one I wanted to visit....

He took some oil and began to rub it into my back, I could still feel his cock still resting on the crack of my ample arse, rubbing up and down the crack as he leaned forwards to reach up to my shoulders, I was so very relaxed, I could have drifted off, if it were not for the hard cock teasing my arse, yearning for him to sink himself deep within me, filling my pussy to the limits and filling me with hot cum, I was fantasizing about his cock, while I could feel it teasing me, most surreal....I did'nt want to break the silence that was between us, I lay there, relishing every moment, every touch, but knowing he'd fuck me soon....

He dismounted me and grabbed a pillow, beckoning me to lift my hips up, he slid the pillow under me, raising my hips higher into the air, he nudged my legs wide apart, wider and wider, as wide as he could get them, sitting on his knees inbetween them, I had no contact with his cock now, and couldn't reach round, I was helpless, I couldn't do anything but lay there and take what came....

But he was there to pleasure me for the moment, so I lay there and simply let him do what he wanted, I was putty in his hands...I felt his fingers slipping into my cunt, two I think to begin with, his other hand slid under me, to locate my clit, pulsating and throbbing by now, It needed a mans touch, and I got it....he finger fucked me while rubbing my clit, pausing momentarily to insert another finger, spreading my cunt, against the inner walls trying to grip him, the resistance building up was terrific and felt so very good, finger and thumb pulled my clit, which by the feel of it, was really engorged and on the verge of release. I told him I was sooon coming, He stopped..and pushed a fourth finger in and fucked me furiously, I was begging for him, begging for him to see me over the edge to ecstacy, and he did, and didn't stop when I'd finished, he was not letting me come down from this, keeping me on the edge a while longer, I felt so tight against his fingers, still fucking me, but now so very slowly, his concentration on my clit never wavered and I was soon getting close again.....then he stopped and plunged his cock right into me, Oh my God, that felt so very good, I slipped my own hand to my clit, wriggling between the pillow and my hips, I soon located my nub and yelled at him to fuck me hard, through gritted teeth I begged and he complied, gripping my hips either side, he rammed his hard cock deep into me, his thighs slapping into me with his hard ramming, I began to shake as I came again, and soon, through the mists of orgasm, felt him become even harder, which I hadn't felt possible, and finally he moaned out loud as his filled me, filled me to overflowing with cum, I felt it dribble all over my hand still rubbing my clit slowly, he still pumped his cock into me, but his strength and speed not diminishing as he came back to earth.....

He moved to lay next to me, neither wanting to break the silence, I suppose too, that neither of us knew really what to say next. I got up, taking my robe from the floor, I went to the bathroom to wash and freshen up, giving us a little space to collect thoughts again. When I came out, he was stood on the landing outside the bathroom, dressed, I knew then, this was it, the end.....

We went downstairs, he held me close and kissed me, telling me I was an amazing woman, thanking me for the times we'd shared, thanking me for living his fantasy through, and for making it every thing he thought it would be.....one last kiss and he was gone, I knew there was never going to be any relationship or anything, I wasn't stupid, we had simply fulfilled fantsasies on both sides, and broken the curse of celibacy, and had a bloody good time in the event........I showered again and re-made the bed and straightened the house, no one would ever know what had gone on there, I opened the doors to outside and sat in the garden with a coffee and a cigarette, enjoying the memories, everytime I moved I felt the memory, I had one sore pussy, but I didn't mind at all......The text signal went, It was him, thanking me, wising me well, and asking me to never forget what a time we had, and that he wouldn't......I never replied.......

Part 4, Culmination......

..........................................He held me hard against the wall, frantic kissing, hands fumbling to gain entry to my robe, my hand running over his muscular back, his crotch pushing into mine, I felt his cock, straining to be unleashed, loud noises emanated as he kissed my neck, my breasts, my lips full on. It flashed through my mind, the scenario of rape, but this wasn't that, this was hot passion, desire, needing, needing on both sides, I wanted to fuck, and to fuck again, and to be fucked, and kissed, and licked, and stroked, Iwanted it all and now....

My leg wrapped around him, pulling him closer to me, he now held my arms up against the wall, a totally submissive position for me to be in, and I loved it, pinned against the wall by this beautiful young man......frenetic passions were rising, and release needed to come, we needed a rapid release and then to be able to concentrate on the real pleasure, we needed carnal pleasure first and foremost.

He pulled back, close to my ear, he whispered to me, asking could he now fuck me....did I now beleive him? Of course, he could, of course I did now! and as we continued in the frantic kissing and groping, moved slowly to the lounge, I broke away, to close the curtains, I had a sliding patio door and anyone opposite could see in, and while I couldn't give a fuck, I felt he would want the privacy.

As I turned round to see him again, he'd started to undress, opening his jeans I saw he'd not bothered with boxers, just his trousers and a shirt, his shoes had already been kicked off in the hallway.

He sat spread out on my sofa, his magnificent cock proud and erect, laying on his belly, a belly covered in soft dark curls coming to a point at his umbilicus and then spreading out to his nipples. His cock lay there, the purple end glistening, twitching form time to time, beckoning me to take it in my hands, my lips, my cunt.

He stroked his cock for me, smiling, asked if I liked what I saw, of course I did, it was cock and it was here for me! All for me!
I stood in front of him, my robe still on me, but wide open, my belly soft, thighs together, my breasts waiting for his touch, my pussy ached for him, I didnt care if it was cock, fingers or tongue, it just needed attention. I wanted him to move me, to feel me, to touch me, to fuck me, to hold me, to watch me..........He moved forward, I placed one leg up onto the sofa edge, and he slipped his hand between my legs, parting my fat labial lips, engorged with blood and lust, soft to the touch, like velvery, soft one way when being stroked, but with a slight texture the opposite way, 24 hours after shaving you see.....I steadied myself with a hand on his shoulder, I wondered for a second, how I'd manage to stay upright, when all I wanted to do was to melt into a pool of orgasm, he slid two fingers in deep....

"My God Woman, you're fucking wet" He whispered...

" I want to taste you, sliding his fingers out, he looked me straight in the eye and sucked his own fingers, glistening with my cunt juices before sliding them in again, then bringing then to my lips to taste, that sweet musky scent of sex aroused me further, even though it was my own aroma.

He moved me round, so he was kneeling on the floor and I was now spead-eagled over my sofa, my pussy gaping wide, he stayed still a moment, looking, studying me, parting my labia holding each petal with finger and thumb, pulling me wide and taught, opening me wider still before sinking his tongue into me, a thick muscular tongue, I felt the tip worming around inside me, Oh my....... This was just something.......I could have taken him completely inside, as he worked tongue and fingers into me, slowly, teasing me, brushing my hardened clit I thought I would burst so very soon, he worked two fingers in and out of me, then three, then four, stretching my almost virgin cunt, I'd not had anyone finger fuck me, except myself in over a year and it felt sooooo good to lay back and enjoy the ride, I wondered if he was going to try for the thumb as well, a fist in my cunt would have been just the ultimate, but he drew short and pulled his fingers out.
Tasting them again, he now let me hold his cock, a large one for such a slim young man, a good 8" and thick, I wanted to suck him, be he wouldn't let me, stopping me, he said

"No, I want to fuck you to cumming and feel my cock pump into you"

"If its been so long since you fucked, I want to make tyhis oen to remember for always...."

" I want to fuck you as you cum, then, fuck my hot sperm into you, filling you, filling your fat, juicy cunt to the brim, then I want to come out of you, and watch as it dribbles out of you....."

I was lost, I would have let him do absolutely anything now, I was putty in his hands, totally at his beck and call.....

Pulling me towards him, he entered me, I gasped with delight, a curse had been broken and what a way to do it, fingering my clit as he fucked me, my legs wrapped round him, skin slapped onto skin loudly, he called out to me, then arched his neck back and told me he was coming, and boy, did he, I felt every last pump of that thick cock, the heat searing through me as his seed spilled, he paused momentarily for the last drops to finally depart his body with a last thrust,and then looked me in the eye..."your turn.."

And keeping that thick cock inside me, I could feel it still hard, filling my born again virgin cunt,he brought me to orgasm, it didn't take much, but was by far, sweeter than any I could have ever done myself, I never wanted this to end, the feeling of elation rushing through my body, my cunt rippling, still gripping that cock of his, which I could feel rock hard again, Oh the joy of youth, I recall thinking!

My heart felt like it would burst, all that energy rushing through me, better than any drugs could ever deliver. My skin felt like it was on fire, hearing was gone, it was all just a swirl, nothing mattered, nothing.....

I spent what seemed half a lifetime in this whirl of emotions, energy, adrenaline and sex, hearing coming back slowly, eyes beginning to focus again, seeing he was looking right at my juicy fat cunt.... with his cock still semi hard, and still nestled inside of me, he pulled out a little to look more.

"Oh my God, your cunt is fantastic, I have never seen or felt anything like that before" As he spoke, I felt his cock physically lengthen and thicken, twitching into a nother life , Oh the joys of a youthful cock! I thought as I felt him filling me completely......
He fucked me slowly, rocking that cock in and out, teasing me, pulling almost all the way out, a few slight strokes just to keep pussy open, before plunging in deep again, I was riding the crest so very quickly again, he had one hand on my nipple and one on my clit, his cock in my cunt, he was seeing to all my needs....I could hear him getting more breathless, so knew he'd be cumming again soon, so moved to make him withdraw from me, I moved to allow him to take up his place on the sofa, and now I knelt before him, looking him straight in the eye.

I took hold of his cock, thick and hard, and stroked up and down the shaft slowly, tip to balls and back again, so very wet from slipping out of my cunt, which was still full of his juices, dripping down mu inner thigh as I knelt before him. Licking my lips and watching him, maintaining eye contact, and moving slowly to take his cock in between my lips, wrapping my tongue around the bulbous head, purple and swollen, tracing my tongue tip around the rim of his end, and my fingers slipping around the base, in tandem with my lips, I massaged the whole length of his cock with my lips and hands, his hands now on the back of my head, I could feel the pressure rising, he groaned out loud that he was going to cum again, and I soon felt the pulsations begin at the base of his thick cock, taking the first spurt of cum juices into my mouth, I continued to stroke and lick his cockhead, the cum dribbling over my breasts as I directed it down, recalling what he'd told me before, dripping off my nipples, he pumped and pumped his seed all over me, while still watching, it seemed the more he watched to more intense he came and the more he shot over me, until eventually he was spent.......

Discreetly I moved and took a tissue to clean myself and gathered myself up, wrapping the robe around me again. He half lay, half sat on my sofa, how on earth was I going to be able to look at this sofa again, knowing what had gone on there? How would I react when my mother came to visit and sat exactly where he was?! That was enough, forget it, clear my head. What had I just done, cum was dribbling down the inside of my thick white thighs and was drying on my breast, on the sofa was a gorgeous naked young man, a happy young man to boot!
I offered him the use of the shower, he accepted, kissing me hard again, he left to go upstairs, and while he showered, I tidied up the lounge and went upstairs, thinking I'd have a shower when he left, which I presumed would be once he'd showered.

I amused myself in my room, which was opposite the bathroom, and he came out, still glistening, a towel wrapped around his waist, and came in and sat on the bed next to me. I told him I wanted to shower too, he could either wait here for me, or I'd wait if he was leaving...."No, I don't want to go yet" he said quietly, so I told him to stay where he was while I showered.......
To be continued.....

Part 3....Dangerous Liasons...

And so, I drove to the pub where we'd arranged to meet, as I pulled in, I saw him stood leaning up against his car, arms folded, now wearing jeans and an open necked shirt, shit he looked delicious!

As I drew closer, he saw me, and his eyes nearly popped out of his head when he saw what I was driving. I had my pride and joy, a Ford Streetka. I loved my car and it made me feel good driving it. He began walking over to my car parking space to have a look, beaming broadly, he simply looked and went "WOW" He commented I looked very sexy and what a car to be sexy in! I stayed quiet, taking in all what I was seeing, reading the body language, watching his face for signs of mickey-taking, I was still hesitant to say the least, to me this was just an transaction, his money for my sons PS games, and a drink thrown in, as well as a little flattery that, If I am totally honest, was doing me the world of good! He smiled at me constantly, his eyes meeting mine so very often, his eyes wide and excited, he smelled wonderful too, a wisp opf hair poked from beneath the shirt, my heart raced when i saw this, combined with his aroma, he exuded sex.....!

He took my hand firmly after I'd locked the car, telling me to leave the games until later, we'd have a drink first, after all it was the start of the weekend... We went into the bar, most people were at the other end having early evening meals, so it was fairly quiet, he ordered the drinks and I went to find a seat. Worried someone may see us, I chose one right tucked away in a corner and sat myself in the corner so I could see who was going by, expecting him to sit opposite. But no, he came and sat beside me, leaning very close, he spoke about how lovely I smelled, at that time I wore a perfume called

Angel by Thierry Mugler, and five years ago it wasn't as common in the perfumeries as it is now, so was a fragrance that was noticeable as being different, it was one that warmed to the wearer, heavy on vanilla and musk, so very sexy, but it was my signature perfume, I always wore it, and he commented he smelled it earlier when I first spoke to him. I thanked him, and he went on telling me I was gorgeous, sexy and completely fuckable.

I blushed and told him not to be silly, he was a very good looking young man, and I will admit, I would loved to have fucked him, but I knew it wasn't right....but couldn't out my finger on it, I suppose it was simply the age thing and not believing what he said to me.

He told me I had better start believing him, and with that, took my hand and placed it on his crotch, which was absolutley bulging!! I was shocked, I hadn't believed him at all, how could he fake that? Holding my hand over his cock for a few seconds, not allowing me to move other than to give a gentle squeeze, he looked me straight in the eye and told me how he wanted to fuck me, speaking softly, I had to lean into him, his breath was hot on my already red hot neck. Eventually he allowed my hand to move away, and I took a big gulp of wine to try to steady the shakes I had by now!

I felt hot, dizzy, confused, everything was whirling round in my head, here was a good looking young man with a fabulous feeling rock hard cock wanting to fuck me, yes ME!

He sent me to the bar, he couldn't get up from this raging hard-on, but it was a few minutes respite for me to gather my thoughts, had he taken something I wondered, Viagra and its copies were not so prevalent, so I was a shade puzzled. I took the drinks and walked back, he beckoned me to sit beside him again, he was right in the corner. He sat close, and taking my hand again, held it over his cock, still hard, firmly holding my hand over his bulge, laughing with nerves I asked if he'd taken something or had something stuffed down there, he began undoing his zip, sliding my fingers inside, I felt the heat of his body

"Now do you believe me?" he asked.......

I was still so very confused and unsure, but excited, my panties were wet, and I was desperate to slip a hand there but we were in a corner of a public bar....not the right place!
He started whispering in my ear, of exactly what he'd like to do with me, at the same time, his hand slipped under the hem of my skirt and he was barely touching the inside of my thigh, but it felt so electric....he wanted to suckle my breasts, he had imagined how they feel in his hands, soft and supple, the warm flesh yeilding to his touch, the big nipples rising before his eyes, how he wanted to run his tongue all around them before resting to suckle at the pinnacle of my breast, his other hand slipping between my legs, his hand forcing them apart, fingers finding the cleft of my labia, and slipping in between to feel the clit, already hard with this words and whispers.......If I could have lain wide open then, I would have done....I stopped him, I didnt want to make an idiot of myself in public, I didnt give a fuck now, wether he was taking the piss or not, he could break the year long celibacy I had been in, I didnt give a fuck!

I moved away, composing myself, and getting my breath, agreeing to change the subject to allow things, and hard ons to settle, we sat there a while, finishing the drinks. No more to drink as we were both driving, we couldn't go to each others houses, his brother and wife were staying with him for the weekend, and my son was at home. We stood outside the car for a while, before I unlocked it and we both sat in, he gave the car a once over, loving it, and gob-smacked that I owned such a sporty car. I think if dogging had been around at the time, thats what we'd have done then, desperate for a good fuck, what a sight that would have been, the older woman in a sports car, with a oyung stud in tow!
I pushed him away, we were still in a very public place and I didnt want to break the year long with a fumble in a car park, despite everything, I was better than that! So he grabbed me and kissed me so very passionatley, telling me I'd see him tomorrow and how we would fuck all afternoon. I hadn't said anything more, I said fair enough, and he left, with no arrangement in place, I was not going to come over clingy and chase.... I was not going to fuel any fires, see what woulod happen and that was it!
I went for a drive to clear my head a little, it didn't really work, and while I sat in the car outside my house, the phone went, another text, thanking me for meeting, but we'd forgotten to exchange the bloody games and money! Just as I was replying that it would wait til Monday now, another text came through, I carried on and sent before reading.....he was telling me how we would see each other the next day and how we would be fucking, hard, how he'd be stroking and licking my pussy..something no one had ever done for me.....shit! I needed to come, I needed to frig myself stupid and get this out of my system! I got in the house and went to the bathroom, I wanted to splash my face with cold water, an icepack for my cunt to halt all feeling there, I needed something to bring me to my senses, thoughts and flashes of the evening were still all over the place....

My son was in his room, when I knocked, he said he was having an early night as wanted to watch some films on TV in his room, shut the door and be quiet was his parting shot!

So, I poured myself a larger glass of wine and sat in my garden with a smoke to wind down. I sat there until it was late, a couple of hours, the bottle nearly all done, as I lived on the outskirts of the city, it was also very dark, the breeze warm and the bugs flying furiously in the light, but I was clearing the mists of confusion, weighing up what I'd said and done, what I'd felt, and literally felt......

I'd heard the text message bleep time and time again, but ignored them for a while.
I had a shower, a long lingering shower, paying attention to myself, and I was going to rub myself so very slowly while my mind recounted all what had gone on that evening, fuck it, I thought, I;d get something from it even if it was just the fantasy

I took another glass of wine to bed, I closed my door and lay down,opening the text box to read what had been sent, there was about five messages,

" I want to fuck you, I want to open your legs and sink my face bewteen them, smelling woman, tasting woman, licking a real woman" I want to fuck you softly and slowly, I wnat to fuck you hard, I want you to ride my hard cock while I grasp your breasts"

"My cock is so hard because of you, I'm going to have to do something, what would you like me to do?"

I replied..." hold your cock in your hand, close your eyes and think of my hand, slowly slowly rubbing you for balls to tip, building up the speed slowly, cupping your balls in one hand, while I slip the end of your cock into my lips....."

" Fucking hell woman, I can't hold back, its hard to text with one hand" " I need to cum, but I want to cum in your cunt and then lick you out as you dribble my juices..." I want to cum over those breasts, to see my cum dripping from those nipples"

A while passes.....

"beep beep"

"Oh my god, I have just cum, bring on the tissues...."

I played with my clit more now, reading the messages, before dropping the phone to complete the scene.....

"beep beep"

"what are you doing?"

I pick up the phone and begin to text back

" I stroked my clit ( had trouble with this as had to enter it into the dictionary)

I felt my cunt getting wetter and slipped three fingers in, tasted and smelled my own cunt juices, before using the wetness over my clit to bring myself to cum!"

I had gone beyond giving a fuck now, I had had too much to drink, was so fucking frustrated and it was by phone, not face to face, I need never see him again, so fuck it!

I carried on texting with one hand, while stroking myself still, he texted back still, deliciously describing what he would do to me, and what he wanted me to do to him, how he wanted to feel his cock in my hands, my mouth and my cunt, how he wanted to fuck me so very slowly, looking into me as he did, and how, after he'd fucked me like that, he would turn me over and fuck me hard from behind, so animalistically, fucking me hard, ramming his cock home into me as he watched in a mirror....my hand was feeling my wet pussy, I couldn't stop, my hand was there and slipping in and out my wet cunt as I read the text messages, then, the phone rang! it was him, asking me what I was doing.......I fumbled a bit, before he came right out and asked if I was masturbating, was I feeling myself, but imagining it was his fingers, his tongue, his hands, his cock?........I admitted I was, this was something I'd never doen to any other living soul, I'd admitted I was masturbating and was on the verge of coming again.....what the hell, I thought, I was still only at the end of the telephone, so why be embarrassed? I carried on, I told him, just how wet I was, and how if I could have pulled my panties off in that bar, I'd have done so, what the fuck I thought!

"Lay down, and lay the phone next to you, on loudspeaker, I can talk to you more then" he said,I did what I was told,
" tell me what you're doing"
"I'm pulling my nipple, right breast, it 's hard and erect ,it feel like there's a direct line of feeling to my cunt" Oh my god, I was now talking so very dirty, another first !...
"My other hand is between my legs, my legs are open so wide, as wide as they can get, my pussy lips are parted wide and my clit is proud of me, the lightest touch is electric"
He continued to talk to me, telling me in that deep voice, what he would do, what he wanted me to do, and I couldn't hold off any longer, and I came, shattering, blocking out all surroundings, everything, I was detached from reality for what seemed ages, I kept on stroking my hardened clit, not wanting it, the feeling to end.....
As reality came back to me, I found the telephone, he was still connected, but quiet, I cut off, thinking he'd gone, I got up and had a shower, I was so hot and sticky, my room smelled of sex, that musky odour of an excited pussy.....After the shower, I went downstair and made a hot drink, It was so very late now, but I wasn't tired, confused still, but not tired, sober too. I took my cup of tea outside and sat a while in the garden again, my sanctuary, all quiet and still. As I smoked and toook the tea, I reflected of exactly what I'd done. A mix of feelings came flooding in, excitement, confusion, pleasure, embarrassment, shame, all sorts whirling aorund my head, this one would take some working through!

I went back upstairs after locking up again, and saw I had got a text, he told me he'd come, he'd been masturbating again, I didn't know whether to believe him, but the fantasy that he might have been telling the truth was much more delicious, that he'd been saving it up and had not had sex for ages, .....I played along......then realising the time, told him I'd have to go, I needed to sleep, but how I'd manage that with all this going on in my head, I did'nt know........He told me not to worry, sleep would come when it was ready, and that he'd see me the next day, that was 100%. but as I'd not made any arrangements or told him my address, I passed it off as talk....

Sleep finally came, and so did the dreams, dreams of being fucked, but not by him, by entities of hardened cocks, I remember that dream so very clearly, just hard cocks coming out of the shadows and fucking in all different ways.....waking to that delicious feeling, I felt so turned on again, I had to bring myself to climax again that morning on waking, but that didnt take much doing!
I got up, slipping on my PJ's I got coffee and breakfast ready for us both, my son was off to his fathers later that morning, so I'd have a lazy morning until he'd gone, then I was going to shower and go shopping, to treat myself to somthing nice, I sat on the patio drinking my coffee, smoking as cigarette, recounting the weird night before, waiting for my son to go. His father arrived and off he went, and I locked up and went to take a shower after clearing the kitchen up.....I'd just gotten out of the shower, when the doorbell went, I though it was my son who'd maybe come back for something and forgotten his keys, grabbing my blue floral short wrap, I went downstairs and shouted I was coming.....I couldn't see who was there, in the shadow I could see it was someone the same height as my son, I thought it weird that my son never shouted for me to hurry up, this was his normal manner! I found the keys and unlocked, I stood there speechless for a few seconds, It was the young man!
"How the hell did you know where I lived?" I asked..
"Ahh.....Simple, I knew your name from the email at work, and you'd said which area you lived in, but not which road, but with this car it wasn't hard, I remembered the registration number and watched as your son left.....I drove around, because I was nervous about coming like this" He told me, we stood there, I began to realise the wrap I was wearing was the sheer one, and as I'd just gotten out of the shower, I was a shade chilly, and my nipples were clearly on end!
Within a second, he was inside the house, had taken the keys and put them back in the lock and turned then, Shit! I thought, I'm in trouble!!!!
He must have seen the look of panic across my face, he took hold of me and said he'd told me I would be seeing him, now I was. I relaxed a little, Oh well, I was going to fuck and be fucked, no backing out now......He put his phone and keys down on the dresser in the hall, and took hold of me again, this time, kissing me hard, My God, this boy wasn't fucking kidding, I felt his crotch grind into mine, and his cock harden almost intantaneously....my back against the wall, I was pinned there, his hands grasping at me, he whispered in my ear...
"Oh mmmmyyyyyy......., you're exactly as I thought, exactly as I wanted, I want to fuck you so much....."
The door was locked, and he was there with me, I was going to have the time of my life, he was in my house, and wanted me, but there were things he was going to do for me too.......
To be continued........

Part 2...Still learning

And so I continued living a life without a partner, I was in contact with men, through various dating websites, but as I'd settled for what ever I got before, I wasn't going to do that again. Despite many dates and coffee's with men, not one of them did anything for me, there was no 'rush' of adrenaline, no chemistry with any of them, while they were very nice, there was no way I was going to jump into bed with any of them. I don't know what it was but I was finding fault with every one of them, yet they were chasing for second, third dates, offering weekends away and so on, but I was always going home alone and still continuing to satisfy myself. I had many men who were really good friends, I'd found it easier to talk to them, I'd never been one to sit and discuss the virtues of lipsticks, and they seemed to enjoy my company, but they were all married, and one rule I stuck to religiously, was not to come between husband and wife, I knew the hurt that caused, never would I have done that! What was wrong with me I'd often wonder? I wondered whether it was something deep within me, I was still a large woman, but that never seemed to bother any of the men I went out with, in fact it was the opposite, which was something I had to work through as both the ex's had denigrated me so very often, telling me I'd always be with them as no one else would want me being a fat cow, my self esteem had been at a very low point for a long time with regard to my body image. No matter what I've done throughout my life, I have never been a lightweight, never been skinny, even when I was growing up as a teenager, I was doing sport seven days a week at city and county level, swimming, athletics, cross country and hockey kept me occupied every day, plus from the age of 13 I worked Saturdays and two evening per week, so no matter how occupied I was physically, I never seemed to be a skinny girl, I had been teased mercilessly at school, this was the main reason I began all the heavy training schedule, it soon shut them up when I was competing alongside the boys and beating them!

But I went through a lot of confusion, sometimes I felt very sexy, my breasts had always been a good hand full, my ass too, but I'd always had a bit of a jelly belly after having the children, I was very ill after both and the post natal exercises were by the wayside, so while I loved my breasts and the cleavage, and the fact I could fill a pair of jeans, but I was still not comfortable in being naked in front of anyone, even at times, in from of myself, sometimes I'd lay on my bed exploring and masturbating with something on, hiding parts of me I didn't want to see.
I still couldn't work out what it was with these men, they just didn't stir me within and I went 12 months without having sex with anyone, it was a young man, not far off my daughters age, who broke the celibacy......I have never told anyone of this either, I suppose maybe shame, as he was only 22 and I was 39 at the time....but here's what happened....and its all true,100% true and has lain at the back of my mind for the last five years, a delicious memory......

My son decided to sell some PlayStation games, and at work we had intranet system, with a whole network for staff, advertisements for property, things for sale, swap, sports events etc, were all on the bulletin board, so I put the games he wanted to sell on there as it was free. I sold a couple and had three left, a young man emailed me to say he wanted to have a look at all three, could I meet him outside the office building the next afternoon, so I said yes of course and thought nothing of it.
The next day, was a Friday, I met him at 4pm, as I was finishing early that day, one of the perks of being a manager, I found his car and chatted for a minute while I got the games out and he had a look, he said he wanted them, could he have my number as he needed to get to a cashpoint and he'd call me to meet with the money over the weekend.

Not a problem, so gave him my mobile number and carried on, walked to get my car and went shopping. I'd been shopping on the way home and had heard the message tone go off while I was paying, but had ignored it until I got back to the car some 10-15 minutes later. It was a good job too, the text was from this young man, I can't even remember his name! But was very saucy indeed, he started off by telling me he'd got the money on the way home, would I meet him later for a drink at a pub near to us both? He'd said where he lived earlier when we first chatted, but then he went on to say I was a sexy looking woman, with a lovely smile, but with the most beautiful arse he'd seen in a long time! so thought he was just having a laugh at my expense. I replied saying I'd meet him, but for him to not take the piss out of me, he was buying a couple of PS games and that didn't give him licence to take the piss, I took what he'd said in the text very negatively indeed!

He immediately texted back, telling me he was deadly serious, and got even more saucy, telling me how he'd gotten a hard on while talking to me, that I'd inadvertantly bent down to him in the car and given him a lovely view of my breasts, and how he wanted to touch and feel, stroke and tease them.....I sat there in the car, surrounded by shoppers going to and from their cars and the store, my face absolutely beetroot red but my clit bursting to be touched, whatever he said, was doing something, he was certainly hitting the right buttons.

I texted back, telling him, he was a very nice young man and that if I was 15 years younger I'd happily jump his bones.....and that he would be ideal for my daughter and not me.....he texted back, telling me he didn't like girls his own age, had always gone out with women much older than himself, preferring a softer yielding body, loving someone teaching him, educating him sexually, the fact that the older woman wasn't full of needyness after sex and being clingy afterwards.

I said I'd meet him later to get the money for the games and have a drink, that was it as far as I was concerned, but thanked him for making me feel very special for a little while. He texted back, would I meet him later that we'd originally said, he wanted to go home and shower....so that was OK, I could do the same, so arranged to meet later.....

I'd just about got home, the text signal went again....a saucy one, telling me how he was now naked after his shower, and how while washing himself, he'd gotten very hard and aroused, thinking of my soft large breasts.......how he wanted to fuck me slowly, fuck me hard, slow, how he wanted his cock between my breasts, and to come like that.....my god I was getting so turned on, my head was telling me to not be so bloody silly, that he was just taking the piss out of me, that it was a bet, then logic would come in, he was still a man, I did have great breasts, and boy, I did want him to fuck me...to break me in again....fear crept in, no man had ever made me orgasm during sex, he was on his way to making me come by bloody text! This was something....he also worked at the same company, and I was a manager and he knew that, and knew the problems I could cause for him if he was being out of order, but I decided to get on with things, shower, change and go out. Text messages kept coming, shit, this bill was going to be a big one.....

I eventually got out of the house, I resisted the urge to masturbate, saving that for when I came home later, I knew it would be a quick meet and drink, so knew I'd not have to wait long....I said bye to my son and told him I wouldn't be long....
Part 3 to follow......

Part 1.....The Beginning

I have been married before, twice in fact, and they were not nice experiences, but ones I certainly learned from.

It took me years to realise I was a beautiful person inside and outside, I didn't have to be built like a super-model or have my face airbrushed, all I needed was confidence, which two ex's certainly did'nt provide........ I had a sharp mind, a giving nature and wanted to please people. I had good skin and hair, and wore nice clothes that suited me, and didn't always follow fashion, I was never 'one of a flock'.
I lost my virginity at the age of 18 to the one that was to be husband No1, it was a rather niaive affair, a fumble and a risk of pregnancy overshadowed the event, so not one I recall with relish. I was 18, he, a year older, we'd waited some time, having dated since I was 16, supposed first loves, true loves, but as I am older and look back, wasn't so. I beleive I was simply amazed that someone wanted me, ME! He was a drummer in a band, and I was the girlfriend, I had a position, I suppose I was washed away with that for some time? We dated and married, set up a home on a shoe string, I was training to be a nurse, him an electrician.We went on working, growing up and two years later, having two children but I never really enjoyed sex with him. He never took the time to learn my body, was simply there for what he wanted, his pleasure and while I lost my virginity to him, I never managed to orgasm with him in some eight years that we were together sexually!

As time went on, I lost interest in having sex with him, he was not the cleanest of people, only taking a bath when I ran it for him, bathed him and put new clothes out, he only changed his clothes when I put new out, he didnt want a wife, he wanted a mother figure. So, it was no wonder I lost interest, I could easily masturbate in the bath and silently satisfy myself......As time went on, I lost even more interest, using all the excuses under the sun to avoid sexual contact with him, the old story of too tired, headaches and worries took over all aspects of life, I was too shy to actually say he'd never made me reach anywhere near orgasm, and to be honest, I couldnt be bothered by this stage.

The masturbation angle was a tricky one for me to come to terms with inside my head, I'd been brought with a rather puritanical bent on things, as I was growing up I was told if I was to touch myself I'd go to hell but would be blinded first, probably one of the reasons I never told anyone my eyesight was bad, I was too scared of saying anything for fear that I'd have been thought ill of! But he bought home the magazines and video's from work, I would sneak a look at them and get turned on by them, sneaking off to satisfy the need in the loo...I never knew if he used them for that, certainly there was never any suggestion of using them to enhance sex, or to get me interested, they stayed on his side of the room and that was it, so I simply threw myself into the children.

The marriage deteriorated and we parted, I stayed alone for a couple of years before falling for the old line of "well if you don't marry me, then who will, you've got two kids"a friends brother showed interest in me, he came with the trappings I'd been missing out on and within a couple of months, I'd seccumbed to his charms and we married, so he achieved something he wanted, to be married, and I got a partner again, hoping things would improve as time went on.

And so I hoped this one would awaken me, but no, he was worse, the kids were off my hands at weekends, so there was time, and the house to ourselves, he thought it was wrong to make love with the sun in the sky, proper people didnt have sex or make love during the day, sex was for nightime and with the lights off!
Dressing up was out of the window too, I was laughed at when I said I wanted to wear stockings and suspenders, told I was too fat, I'd look stupid and what was the point, the lights were off so he could'nt see. My protestations that he could touch and feel the contrast of sensual fabric and soft skin were ignored, and so I never did dress up, I never owned anything remotely sexy, and through the damage of words to my self esteem, I shut down again, concentrating on a career and a life on my own, which I knew would come eventually as I planned to leave the home once the kids had left school, I could wait like this for another two years, no problem.
I just didn't understand this man, I couldn not talk to him, any talk of sex was met with a red face and him leaving the room! Any sexual position other than him on top was taboo and I'd be challenged as to why I was trying to get on top, or why on earth would I want to put his penis into my mouth, he'd never engage in oral sex, telling me it was dirty..... ?

The Kids knew I wanted to go and supported me all the way, but of course, they didn;t know all the truths going on, no one knew what was really going on, no one knew of the degradation and the hurt I was suffering inside, as well as the sheer bloody frustration!
Things came to a head and I couldnt wait any longer, one thing No2 had was a loose tongue, and he let something slip about the numbers in his mobile phone directory...he was easy to read so we worked out his PIN while he was in the shower, I found two numbers I didn't recognise, so jotted them down. We locked the phone again and I kept the numbers safe, one day at work, I called the numbers, escorts, or hookers in my book! I couldn;t beleive this, he didnt want to explore anything sexually with me, yet would pay for it? I felt disgusted to begin with, ashamed that I'd driven him to it, and then the realisation broke through, was it my fault? What had I done wrong? Was I not willing to talk, not willing to try to work things through? The conculsion was that I was not the one at fault, despite all the guilt being laid at my feet.
It certainly explained a lot, why he never approached me for sex at all within the last 12 months of the marriage, why it was never questioned, nothing...why he never had any money, why he'd dissappear at weekends for hours, telling me he'd been shopping, yet never brought anything home, why one New Year's Eve he went out at 3pm, telling me he' be 2-3 hours visiting family, and came back 28 hours later and not a word......

I was gone from there within the following two months, telling him 10 minutes before I walked out on him, finally, exactly why.....he stood there " If thats how you feel, OK then" was the parting shot from him, no answer to that is there?.....
I set up house with my son, my daughter went to live with her father, who, I might add, had actually become a great friend to me, he'd found another partner and we all got on well in our roles, couldn't make things work together, but apart was cool!
I lived with my son for 18 months where I sorted myself out, mentally I worked things through, I read books and magazines, I watched programmes on TV, all about sex, I educated myself, just needed someone to practice with now!

I had all the weekends free, on my own, my son would be at this fathers, so I had time to be me, and time to find out who I was, what I liked, what I didnt like, what felt nice and what didn't and what make me feel good. I masturbated, I tried all sorts of things, I bought vibrators and books mail order, my son asking me what was in the parcel, of course I never told him, but I'd be so excited and would look forward to the weekend.....

Saturdays would come, I'd gotten into a routine of not getting dressed til later, on would go the PJ's when it was time to get up, breakfast would be done, the housework done, my son collected by his father, then my fun time would begin.

A last coffee, a last smoke then lock the doors, I'd have a luxurious bubble bath, soaking for ages, washing every single bit of me, preening and pruning, I'd take care of legs, underarms, bikini area, a facial, hairwashed and dried, perfumed, I'd slip into bed again, fresh sheets on a Saturday, and I'd be dying to begin, a little reading, or watching some lightweight porno movie I'd recorded in the week would really be what I needed, then I'd begin to explore, a long mirror placed at the foot of my bed, so I could see all I was, I'd part my pussy lips and look carefully at myself, I was'nt ugly, a pussy opened up was not a bad sight, why had No2 declined to lick me there? I never worked that one out.
What was wrong with having a good look at each other intimately, what was wrong with exploring with fingers and tongue? What was so wrong with foreplay? What was wrong with fingering me to orgasm, playing with my clit, seeing what it could do for me, watching as I was taken to orgasm, what was so wrong in that? Why had he used hookers when I was here, willing to learn.....?
I'd heard years before, "never put anything into your pussy you wouldnt put in your mouth" good rule of thumb that one, His cock went into my cunt so why couldn't I suck on his cock, it was a nice looking one. average length but nicely thick, on the rare occasions we did have sex, I always enjoyed the sensation of him entering me the first thrust, parting the way into me, that would be the only pleasureable part from my point of view...anyway, I digress....

I would look at my cunt, it was beautiful, I love looking at cunts, they are like flowers, their petals opening to reveal the centre, fragrant and soft, I loved looking at mine, I loved seeing what I looked like when I masturbated, when I put fingers inside myself, when I inserted the vibrator, when I found things around the house I'd cleaned for play, I loved playing, exploring. There was no one in my life to explore so I pleasured myself, I loved looking at my cunt as I brought myself to orgasm, seeing it flush with colour and feeling it throbbing....
Sometimes I would have flashes of panic, where I thought I'd be punished for this, but if we weren't meant to be pleasured like this, why would we have the gifts there?....I was also conscious that this was no substitute for a relationship, sharing in the pleasures was what I wanted, but I wasn't going to throw myself at anyone for the sakes of sexual pleasure, I had regained my dignity and pride, but I'dcome a long way, a journey undertaken alone, I knew now, what I did want in a partner and where I would not compromise ......
To be continued......

Why?

I have often sat and wondered why, why at my age do I have such an appetite for sex?
I suppose its partly that the kids have grown up and are off my hands, and I've got the best partner going. But also because I have tons more confidence than I had years ago, I am bigger as a person, the hips and bust is ample, thats fine, I like myself, and I suppose if I like myself, why shouldnt others? I love to show off on the nude beaches, and to let hubby take pictures of me/us. But why now I wonder? I would have thought by the age of 44, things going south slowly, that I'd dry up, prefer a good book and a mug of cocoa and thats an early nite? But nope, I can sit on the web, and flick from page to page of blogs, some titillating me, some doing nothing, and others, well others making my pussy wet and needy, and so it goes....I love to have sex, we swing, but haven't for a long time for various reasons, want to again, but there's such a load of old tossers out there, ex-pats bored out of their skulls who think they are the best lover since Adam.....many liars and cheats, and I will not entertain any of those that come to us with the line " Oh, its OK, my wife is going through the menopause/the wife's not interested in sex/the wife lets me play away from home" and so on.... for starters, that phrase, 'The Wife' gets my back up.... and as for their pics...well, they seem to think I'll rip my knickers off at the sight of a cock surrounded by greying pubes....no face shots to begin with, come on!
We advertise, but its a waste of time....the clubs are here in Spain, the one closest to us is crap....I didnt even take my jacket off when we went to investigate..the other, run by a Dutch team, is full of loud music and silicone, all pert and artificially rounded, I don't need that, I'm a normal BBW 44 year old, as horny as heck and wanting to smother my face in equally as squidgy pussy or to have a selection of cocks at my disposal....
But I digress, why do I feel so bloody horny most days?

Fiesty Friday

Well, Fiesty Friday arrived, and has almost gone now. Not a lot happened though in the inbetweeny bits, woke up, had some good sex, got up and did all the usual stuff, buy the papers, drink coffee, read some more erotica on the web, update another page I have on another site, so it goes.....fizzling out....what started as fiesty, fizzles to floppy....